How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Alternate Ending for 2024
Reading How the Grinch Stole Christmas to my young daughters a few nights ago, something struck me. In 2024, stealing Christmas would be much easier for the Grinch. He wouldn’t need to dress up as Santa, go down the chimney of each Who’s house, take all their Christmas presents, and then haul the massive load 3,000 feet back up Mt. Crumpit to dump it. He could just buy them all smartphones and the result would be pretty much the same: no more of that Christmas “noise, noise, noise, noise!” that he hated so much.
This bleak revelation inspired me to draft an alternate ending1 to How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Enjoy!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA…
“I know how to quiet Who girls and Who boys
I know how to silence their terrible noise!”
He whipped out his phone and he tapped a few keys
It wasn’t a challenge; he did it with ease…
One thousand smartphones, delivered next day
One for each Who—hip hip hooray!
He could picture the Whos with their phones at their feast
Their heads pointed down, their camaraderie ceased.
Their faces a-glow, not with joy from this scene
Not from anything else but the light of their screen.
No more noise, no more clamor, no hullaballoo,
Just a dull Christmas dinner for every last Who.
What a brilliant scheme, what a glorious thought!
The Whos having Christmas, together, but not.
On Christmas the Grinch awoke feeling fraught,
Until he remembered his sinister plot.
By now Mother Amazon would have come through,
And delivered a smartphone to every last Who.
The Grinch opened his window, grinning cruelly,
Picturing Whos on their phones, subdued, not unruly.
But as he looked down on Who-ville, he felt himself flinch,
For something had shocked this old, jaded Grinch.
Far from the scene of dull quiet he’d wanted,
He heard Whos singing loudly and merrily, undaunted!
Come to think of it—wait!—where had those phones gone?
They should have arrived at a quarter past dawn!
The Grinch grabbed his binoculars and he searched and he searched,
Then he saw such a sight that his too-small heart lurched.
One thousand smartphones in a heap, discarded!
What in the world? Had the Grinch been outsmarted?
He hemmed and he hawed about what to do.
Until at last he sighed, “Oh fooey foo foo.”
He picked up his phone and he stormed out the door.
And he said to himself, “I’m done being a bore!”
He marched all the way up to the top of Mt. Crumpit
Then he held up his phone and proceeded to dump it!
Back down the mountain he raced, feeling lighter.
He walked straight into Who-ville, his mood now much brighter.
The Whos welcomed him warmly in their Who-ish way
(One more at the table always made a Who’s day).
The Grinch felt happy at the feast with the Whos
Where no one was texting or checking the news.
Where Who after Who did something quite rare;
They paid attention to the Whos who were there.
Disclaimer: This work is an unauthorized parody of How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss. It is intended as commentary of the original, reimagining the story's ending in a humorous and transformative way. This parody is created for nonprofit educational purposes and is not intended to compete with or replace the original book in the market. The use of copyrighted elements is limited and reasonable in proportion to the parodic purpose. This disclaimer affirms the creator's belief that this work constitutes fair use under copyright law.
Amazing work here!!!